Motherhood: Real In Every Form

“No language can express the power, and beauty, and heroism, and majesty of a mother’s love. It shrinks not where man cowers, and grows stronger where man faints, and over wastes of worldly fortunes sends the radiance of its quenchless fidelity like a star.” ~Edwin Hubbell Chapin

Okay guys, I’m going to get really serious here. This is a subject that I’m incredibly passionate about because I recently had a friend end our nine year friendship because I was an ABDL Mommy. Now let me give you some background on this before you judge: She is married and a new mom of a six month old baby. She goes to a very zealous church, and she is very religious. At first when I told her about becoming a mom, she was very supportive. But just as quickly, her support disappeared, and she asked me not to talk about my baby girl because “It didn’t feel right to her”. It hurt me so much to hear her say that. She could talk about her daughter all she wanted but I couldn’t talk about mine? Talk about pouring salt in my wounds. In two more days, she ended our friendship with nothing more than a letter to explain it. I thought about it for a long time, and it occurred to me that she probably didn’t see me as a mother, considering that she just became a biological mother. That brings me to the point of this post: You are a mother, wether your child is yours biologically or not.

I’ll say it again for the people in the back: YOU ARE A MOTHER, WETHER YOUR CHILD IS YOURS BIOLOGICALLY OR NOT.

Very often in our culture we only treat biological parents as the “real parents”. It happens to adopted children, step parents, guardians, foster parents, and many others. But blood relation is NOT what makes someone a parent. Just think of all of the children who have been taken away from their parents because they were in unsafe homes- are they “real parents”? They may be biological parents, but they are not real parents.

This begs the question: What makes a “real parent”?

Real parents never lay a hand on their children for punishment, for one. To lay a hand on them shows your own loss of control; it is not an effective disciplinary technique. Real Parents also show interest in their children. They ask about their day, they are interested in their school and work lives, they help them with problems they may encounter and encourage them to find a solution on their own. Real parents try and help their children learn from their mistakes, and openly admit when they’re wrong. Real parents aren’t afraid to apologize to their children when they hurt them. And, most importantly, real parents love their children unconditionally.

Biology can only take you so far as a parent. The rest is up to you. You have to look inside of yourself and ask if you are ready to do what is necessary to give your child a happy and healthy future. You have to be ready for tears, anger, frustration, and joy. You have to be willing to change yourself so that you can be whatever your child needs.

Mothers in particular are susceptible to the “biology” excuse. Just because your child didn’t grow inside you, you aren’t a mom, right?

WRONG.

Don’t ever let anyone tell you that you’re any less of a mother just because you aren’t biologically related to your child. That’s not what makes someone a mother. If you have a child whom you love more than life itself, who you would die for in a second, who you would climb mountains and cross seas for, who you can look at and know that your purpose in life is taking care of them, that’s what makes you a mother. It doesn’t matter how old your child is, it doesn’t matter how far away they are, and it certainly doesn’t matter if they’re yours or not. If you love your child, and they love you, you are a mother. No DNA test required.

The second you meet your child, you become a mother. It doesn’t matter when, and it doesn’t matter how. The love you have for them is immeasurable. The lengths you would go to to protect them are infinite. The sense of purpose you feel within yourself is unexplainable. You never really understand what your true purpose is until you look into the eyes of your child and realize that they are depending on you.

And if you ever have a child who asks you where they came from, and they aren’t biologically yours, you can tell them the truth: you came from Mommy’s heart. You were born out of the love I wanted to give you.

To mothers of every kind, from the biological ones to the foster ones, from the guardians to the step parents, here’s what you need to know:

You are one of a kind. You are unique and special in your own way. You have scrimped and sacrificed so much to take care of your families, and your children notice all that you do. You are important to them, and you are enough just the way you are. You play so many roles in your family: you’re a cook, a chauffeur, a maid, a peacemaker, and a provider. Your charity, kindness, courage, strength, grace, dignity, and optimism are always recognized. But no one says it enough. You have earned a break. You need to take care of yourself before you can take care of others. It’s okay to be overwhelmed, and it’s okay to ask for help. You are who your children will one day strive to be, and you have to set an example for them- even when it isn’t fun.

No matter how you came upon the title, you are and will always be a mother. And to your children you will always be a hero, and you will always be loved.